Well, that again.
Isolation suits me, well perhaps not.
I go through this intense loneliness and cry out to the heavens for some kind of relief.
I want a companion and make deals with something that may or may not be there. IF it is, it has a twisted little sense of humor.
And I guess I have unrealistic expectations of southern bred females of my age.
I have gone through this before...something akin to my first true booty call...that changed and became strained and strange and I swore that I wouldn't do it again. What you think free has its cost and I did not quite care for the end price, mainly the trial that I put myself on. I did this deed I think to prove to myself that I could...and in the end, I felt a severe moral failing. Yes I am a pervert...but in a limited idealistic way

It has been over a year without a date...again a woman in her forties...close to my own age, just a few years older...a co worker...and here we go again...We have a nice ride to the mountains of Va, eat and visit some of her friends...and although we have been friendly at work, I don't know her and she has been talking about men friends the whole trip...we return and she wants more, but I have to decline having already been through a drama with these instant gratification things. It has me concerned about work and rumor....bleh, Ultimately this isn't what I want or prayed for...so what the fuck's up spirits? test....I hate test because I normally fail them. So more time goes by for the incredible introvert as I notice that the women my age are quite terrible....and I am becoming a prude. I wanted to be a lady's man ...not a ladies man...and well...what ever. No one wants to grow old alone, but if this is what I am destined to find as an answer...better to die clean.